The Greatest Harem

A Lem/T-Mec Production

story written by Lem/ illustration by T-me

CHAPTER EIGHT

"I demand to speak to the Ruler of this country!" The British Ambassador was a handsome and wonderfully regal Englishman, the kind whose manner and breeding both impressed and intimidated the ladies.

His wife, a petite young beauty, stood nervously behind him wringing her hands.

"And I said," said Tanzi patiently, "That the Sultan may speak when he has finished with his chess game and not before."

"Please, your lordship, I am certain it shall be concluded soon," said Sara politely. "King to Queen's Pawn."

On the board, the Sultan looked up with uncertainty. "That means one forward and one to the right," said Tanzi with impatience. "Imagine a Sultan who doesn't know chess. Show him, Sara." Before the Sultan could protest, Sara's finger gently nudged him towards the right square, next the queen. He gazed up at the chess piece, nearly seven feet tall by his reckoning. "Must she be so large?" he asked. "The King is the most important piece, you told me."

"But the queen is the most powerful, much as in real life, Oh Sultan," explained Tanzi. Bishop checks king." She tapped the proper space, and the bishop, actually court cleric, nervously sprinted across the board to the designated square, almost dropping his crook in the process.

All the other pieces - pawns, rooks, knights - were living as well. Only the queens were sculptures, there being women of that size available. "You see," said Tanzi, "The Sultan wished to be the tallest man in the kingdom, but he didn't say anything about being restored to his former size."

"So when Tanzi wished that he retain his current size, the Genie did the most logical thing and shrank all the other men of the kingdom," concluded Sara. "You'll notice, if you look closely, that the Sultan is at least a tenth of an inch taller than the next biggest man. But of course, the Sultan always was a tall man." Getting involved in the endgame, she did not announce her move but simply picked up the surprised Sultan and placed him out of harm's way.

The ambassador cleared his throat. "Yes?" Tanzi said, rolling her eyes.

"Look, fantastic as it all seems, I obviously believe you, but what I want to know is why did this happen to me?" He threw up his hands in a gesture that called attention to himself and his new stature, as his wife looked on, silent, but clearly at least as curious as him.

"Well, Ambassador," explained Sara, "you ARE in our kingdom, and the two wishes stated - "

"Then I will leave immediately!"

"Oh, it would be best if you stayed," said Tanzi. "The spell shrinks any man who lives in or enters our kingdom, but it does not unshrink them once he leaves."

He turned white, and his wife looked surprised as well, though it was hard to guess exactly what her emotions were.

"You'll be much happier here," offered Sara. "I'm afraid your stature would be even more of a hindrance in England than it would here. We have made many adaptations for our men. And of course, you will have your wife to assist you."

"Me?" she said innocently, her eyes rolling down towards her husband.

"Oh, yes," replied Sara, holding up a beautiful wooden box with a handle on top. "This is one of our kingdom's finest man carriers. You may have one with our blessing."

"Carry my husband...in a box?"

"It's absurd," said the Ambassador.

"Of course not," said Tanzi, taking the box and placing it by the Ambassador, who of course was dwarfed by it. Her hands opened it up, revealing a well furnished room. "As you see, it has all the amenities, including a bed - only for when you're traveling, of course."

"Oh, my," said the wife, you don't mean - "

"You'll find a normal bed fits your husband as he is now with only more the room to spare," said Tanzi.

The wife blushed, her near ivory face becoming a deep crimson at the cheeks. "But, we've only just been married, and when he received this assignment from her majesty, we had to embark for here immediately, in separate quarters, so we haven't yet actually had the chance..."

"Oh," said Sara. "You say you haven't yet had the chance to - "

" - Talk," concluded Tanzi quickly, mindful of the woman's British propriety. "Well, then, we had best end our audience with you and allow you, as a happy young couple, to have a good talk together."

"But I don't know how to...talk to my husband."

"Simply talk about whatever pleases you. Women in our country tend to have the right to talk about whatever they like with their men. It is a tradition over a month old, and it would be a sign of good faith for you, as an ambassador's wife, to emulate it."

"Oh, my," said the Ambassador's wife as she eyed her miniature husband with contained glee, "I suppose they are correct, dearest. We'd best get settled. I'll handle your correspondences to Her Majesty."

"I most certainly will n- " but before he could speak another work, her dainty English hand had prodded him into the box, which it quickly shut.

"Very well, then," she said, getting up to leave, "I shall make my husband and I comfortable in our new lodgings, then I will make a more formal visit on the morrow."

"Oh, take your time," said Tanzi. "We take the long view of things in our country. Why not relax for two weeks? It will let you become acquainted with our culture."

"And do bring the Ambassador," said Sara. "The Sultan's palace is quite magnificent - viewed from the proper angle, anyway - and I'm sure the Sultan will be happy to entertain him." She looked down at the Sultan, who threw his arms up in exasperation.

"Sara throws the most exquisite parties at the Palace," said Tanzi. "She's always the center of attention there."

"I shall certainly follow both your suggestions," said the Ambassador's wife, "though I'm afraid the Ambassador will not be staying overnight. I hope you understand."

"Of course," said Sara. As soon as the woman and her box had exited, the girls went into a giggle. "Those English women are so proper!"

"Give her time to adjust, Sara. In a few minutes we got her to rebel against her husband. Now she'll have a whole house full of male servants quite literally at her feet. Who knows what she'll be like after a month here?"

An angry little voice broke into their conversation. "Now you conduct national affairs without even consulting me? I demand you pay me more regard."

"Oh, yes. I almost forgot," said Tanzi. "Bishop takes queen." Tanzi's bishop sprinted to his spot to avoid being picked up, while she removed the opposing queen, who of course was too large for the bishop to move. "Check and mate."

"No it isn't. I can...no but you'll...Oh, poo. You win again." She signaled defeat by placing the king, AKA the Sultan, on his side, his least favorite part of the game.

"What! Stop!" he protested.

"Pardon, Oh great one, but it's the rule."

The rest of the living pieces breathed sighs of relief, and began to disrobe, but not before being brought to attention by a loud rap on the board from Tanzi's hand.

"Fold up your costumes neatly, and be prepared for another game this time tomorrow. Anyone who fails to comply will be demoted and sent to the pen." The men shuddered. The "pen" was a boxed area of miniature men "at liberty." Any passing woman could pick one or more men for any random task.

"Darn," said Sara. "I shall have to see if I can get the Ambassador's wife to play me. Perhaps she can teach me something. And the Ambassador can be her king!"

The Sultan picked himself up and shook his fists at them for the fifth time that day. "I wish I had my size back of one hour, for a minute, I'd - "

He found himself completely covered in a handkerchief Tanzi had casually dropped on him. "Please don't make wishes, oh great one. You don't have a very good history with them, you know."

The End